Just Pyramid Scheme Things


1. You refer to people who work 9 to 5 jobs as 'sheeple.' 

2. The fire emoji is most used in reference to 'being on fire' in the 'boardroom.' (ie, your actual bedroom. Not technically a boardroom. Although you have frequently been bored in your room, so could be a boredroom if you want to get technical. You get the idea.)

3. Most of your meetings take place, inexplicably, in cheap hotel conference rooms or in other people's living rooms. Or sometimes in nice coffee shops. But never in actual offices... weird right?

4. You've finally found a way to measure personal success. It's in gold Rolex's and screengrabs of McMansions you stole from Tumblr.

5. Energy drinks! Suits! Tight black dresses! Laptops! Notebooks with mind maps! Sunsets! Shitloads of sunsets!

6. You post motivational quotes at all times of day and night, clearly communicating to the rest of the world that you are essentially unemployed or otherwise unengaged during normal working hours.

7. Stock images of yachts with helvetica print 'holier-than-thou' slogans about chasing dreams whilst others sit idly by, like, getting university educations and stuff  replace images of your friends and family on social media streams,

8. Similarly, your imagery of choice is a stock photograph of a beach, with an inspirational if slightly unrelated quote about business laid over the top.

9. Having not uttered a word for you for three years, they'll suddenly start messaging you. It's not a coincidence, they do not want a rapprochement. They want you to come to their basement boardroom for meetings. And not in a sexy way.

10. You have a bizarre and unjustified sense of superiority and entitlement when it comes to success, because you read a self help book once about people making their own luck and now consider yourself to be the actual 19 year old wolf of wall street Except you live in Newham, not New York.

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